2000年的冬天我应邀去了美国弗蒙特州的一个艺术基地叫做弗蒙特艺术中心，做为期3个月的交流活动，那里住有来自世界各地的艺术家，（亚洲艺术家居多的）时间长短不同的来访艺术家，虽然如此，由于我的语言（英语不好）关系，与其它人交往困难，加上环境陌生，生活也不习惯，很快我便尝到了孤独的滋味，本来三个月期满会有一个个人展览的，我原来所为之做的准备也由于条件和心情的改变而不得不做相应的改变。我画了多年的大地风景却不能在这陌生的土地面前产生冲动，我一时间不知画什么为好。胡乱在带来的资料片子中找灵感，我的注意力终于注视在了一个片子上，那是一个白菜的特写，是冬季来临之前农民收割后遗弃的田地里的那种不成材的。我回忆起了当时的情景。那时和我和丈夫岂梦光在农民的果园中租了一处很大的房子作工作室， 我们俩都喜欢那里的环境，安静，充满了田野的气息。我经常走出工作室就看田里劳作的人影和四季变化的庄稼、蔬菜和果树，行走于田间几乎成了我的习惯，我也会随后拍下一些什么进入我视线的东西，比如一束叶子上的光，一组败倒的秸秆或沟渠，顶枯草等，这棵树不起眼的白菜几乎不是我看到的，而是我踩到后才注意到的镜像，当时已经是接近黄昏的下午了，我检到那棵已经蔫了的小白菜，叶子边被霜冻打的枯黄，粘满了泥土，由于不成材，没有形成白菜那各叶了向中心抱拢的样子，而是向外无力的伸着，由芯向叶筋再向外伸展，倒像一朵花，我当时不知出于什么好奇的心理，将她挂在了果树上，映着晚霞的余晖，拍下了她像一朵惨淡的花，更像一张无精打采的脸，这样我又找到几棵拍了下来。但是很长一段时间已经忘却了她，更没有计划什么时候会画她。那次，在美国，在那种孤独寂寞中再次见到她，正应了我当时的情境。我有了画她的愿望，很长一段时间我几首没有画过大地风景以外的东西，更何况是一幅植物的特写；我决定用新的方法来表现她。我很小心地从菜芯外画起，想像成花蕊，再一点点外，绿色画得很浓烈，画到叶子边缘的地方自然地变成了金黄，几天下来，画面已经有了模样，她正像一朵奇异的花朵，慢慢地综放，她已经不是片子中的样子，而是她脱颖而出，呈现了她自己的美丽，我开始感动了，接下来的作画过程更像是一种跟随状态，跟随她盛开的过程，体会那种生长的感觉，我承认我从那一刻起有了一种体会，作品是有生命的，那幅作品似乎告诉了我那带着泥土的花朵，并不丑陋，而近乎完美，近乎妖艳，她卑微的出身正像她的自信一样高贵，一样迷人，一样可以登堂入室，我将我狂喜的心情告诉了电话另一端的丈夫，尽管没能形容出那幅作品的模样，他还是感受到并分享了我的喜悦心情，就这样我将余下的时间都来画这样的画，在最后作展览时，我将展览取名“怒放”。而后我又画了更多，更多色彩和感觉的“怒放”系列作品，而且一画就画了五年。我将“怒放”带人我的感悟记在心里，又期待在我更长的艺术生活中有更多的感受，我知道他们来自大自然，更来自心底，来自人生的每一段。

ON THE“BLOOMING”SERIES

XU XIAO YAN

　　In the winter of 2000, I was invited of a three-month exchange program at the Vermont Art Center in the United States. Although a lot of visiting artists from across the world, most of whom were Asians, were working at the facility for various lengths of time, I found it hard to communicate with them because of my poor English. Besides that, the unfamiliar environment and new lifestyle also made me feel lonely. Such a situation forced me to adjust my plans for the solo exhibition scheduled at the end of the three-month stay. After years of depicting the vast open country, I was at a loss about what to paint as the strange land failed to give me any creative impulse. As I was trying to get something to go by in some old video footage, a shot grasped my attention. It was a close-up of a Chinese cabbage, one that was underdeveloped and discarded by farmers during harvest. Immediately I recalled the circumstance in which the footage was shot. At that time, my husband Qi Mengguang and I had moved our studio in to a spacious building at an orchard, as both of us preferred the serene views of open country, I would stroll outside to look at the farmers working in the fields and observe the growth of crops and vegetables. Walking in the field, I soon got Into the habit of videotaping whatever came into my sight, such as the light reflected on a leave, a pile of withered crop stalks, or a canal. Actually the humble cabbage never attracted my attention, and I hadn’t noticed it until I trod upon it .It was already late afternoon. I picked up the withered cabbage; covered with dirt, the edge of its frost-bitten leaves had begun to yellow. Not fully grown, its leaves failed to form a round head, but handed limply outward, resembling a flower. Perhaps out of curiosity or playfulness, I fixed her (the cabbage) on the branch of a tree and recorded the image against the rosy clouds in the evening, which reminded me of a desolate flower or the expression of a listless person. For a long period of time following that, the cabbage never came to my mind, and I had made no plan to take it as a subject in my painting. However, amidst the solitude in the United States, I found in the imagery an echo of my own loneliness, which inspired me to take up the brush, For years, I painted nothing but the open country; now depicting the solitary vegetable, decided to take a new approach, I started with the center of the cabbage, imagining it as a flower bud, before painting the outer leaves; the green was first very strong but soon gave soon gave way to the bright yellow at the edge of the leaves. A couple of days later, the image was almost there; it looked like an exotic flower blossoming quietly, It has shed its image in the video and found her own beauty. I was so touched; it seemed that my brush is following the process of its blossoming, to experience its growth. At that moment, it dawned on me that a painting has a life. That particular painting seemed to tell me that the humble flower was not ugly at all. Instead, it’s almost perfect, even enchanting. Its humble origin was as noble as its fascinating confidence, which wouldn’t pale beside anything in the world. Enraptured, I phoned my husband; although I failed to give an effective description of the painting , I was sure he could experience and share my ecstasy. So, I spent all the rest of the three months painting such works, the exhibition of which I titled “Blooming”. Following that, I created more paintings of the same temperament and adhered to the “Blooming” series for five years. Keeping in the recesses of my mind the imspirations “Blooming” has given me, I am looking forward to more such feelings in my artistic career, as I continue the exploration of nature, my inner world, and my life.